The Return of Life In Colour

Spring is adding pigment to winter's delicate pencil sketch.

The sun is out, and I feel hopeful about the future and life in general for the first time in quite a few months. It still feels like the world is going to hell in a hand cart, and there is not a huge amount I can do about it. But the black cloud that has been following me since the start of the year, dropping problems and challenges in my path, appears to be blowing away.

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I can feel it in the air,
the vibrating promise of something new.
Nature bubbling with potential,
an artist laying down the first daubs of paint.

The world is no longer black and white,
spring is adding pigment to winter's delicate pencil sketch.
The forest floor now carpeted in soft greens,
is dappled with dashes of violet and primrose.

The stark dark bark of bare branches,
wear a feathery cape of chartreuse leaves.
Leave the quiet cocoon of the forest canopy,
feel the warm rays of sun brushing skin.

Look up and wallow in the wide blue skies,
delicately gilded with gossamer clouds.
The air is vibrant with energy.
The woods are awake.

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For me, spring heralds the return of life in colour. The vivid hues of spring flowers give me the same rush of pleasure as adding bright colours to my paintings. I love winter and appreciate the opportunity to slow down and rest for a few months each year. But I am not a quiet or subtle person; I have a loud voice, love bright colours and statement jewellery, and enjoy sharing my strong opinions with anyone who will listen. The raucous colours of spring feel like someone has finally opened the window and let in some much-needed fresh air.

While studying art at college, I was constantly told off for using pure pigment straight out of the bottle without muting it first. It drove me crackers; being 17, I often argued with my tutor over it. Eventually, I capitulated and put aside my joyous brights for muted earth tones. For years, whenever I painted, I heard my teacher in the background telling me to dampen down the colours I used.

I have a similar voice that tells me to dampen down myself, that I am too much, too loud, too opinionated, and that I need to mute my tone to fit in, that I need to conform. Now that I know I am Autistic, I understand more about myself and why I am who I am (see previous posts on being Autistic). I am consciously ignoring that voice and learning to be myself again, and I am much happier for it. So this year, I am going to shut down the art teacher in my head and paint what I want in a style that feels right to me!

It is early days yet, but the blooming spring flowers provide me with plenty of inspiration. I have been playing in my sketchbook and experimenting with ignoring the voice in my head. I am working on listening to my instincts about composition, colour and paint application and embracing mistakes when they happen.

In honour of spring and my courageous decision to ignore the voices that have made me quieter, more palatable and less colourful, I have spent an obscene amount on new paints (again) and look forward to a year of joyful experiments and self-discovery.